AILSA CHANG, HOST:
Every week, a guest draws a card from NPR's Wild Card deck and answers a big question about their life. Julianne Nicholson is an expert at portraying grief. She does it as the best friend in "Mare Of Easttown" and as the lead in "Janet Planet." But she was relieved to get to do something different with her character, Sinatra, in the Hulu show "Paradise."
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JULIANNE NICHOLSON: It is so fun to have that, because I have to work hard now for what I do, that it's not always, like, grief 'cause also, it's like, that doesn't come for free to continue to do that. And I'm happy that Sinatra, as evil as she is, like, she's also pretty funny.
CHANG: Nicholson spoke with Wild Card host Rachel Martin about other trade-offs that she's had to confront in her personal life.
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RACHEL MARTIN: What's something you've had to give up as you've grown up?
NICHOLSON: Well, alcohol.
MARTIN: I just did that...
NICHOLSON: Yeah.
MARTIN: ...Six months ago.
NICHOLSON: Yeah. In 2016...
MARTIN: Oh, wow.
NICHOLSON: ...I realized, like, it was not working for me anymore. So that's been a huge gift - not always easy, but...
MARTIN: No.
NICHOLSON: ...Yeah, really good.
MARTIN: I mean, I have, like, a million questions about this...
NICHOLSON: Yeah.
MARTIN: ...Because this is kind of a new - still a relatively new thing for me.
NICHOLSON: Yeah.
MARTIN: I also realized it was not doing me any favors and had been a real crutch for me for a long time.
NICHOLSON: Sames (ph).
MARTIN: But I still find it difficult to socialize.
NICHOLSON: I completely understand, and I feel like, at first, it was terrifying to feel like, I can't believe I have to go in there sober. And now it feels like, actually, I'm not great at social situations. That's OK. Like...
MARTIN: Yeah, yeah.
NICHOLSON: ...When there's a lot of people, I can, like, barely even pay attention to what anyone is saying, especially if I don't know them. I'm fine in, like...
MARTIN: Yeah.
NICHOLSON: ...If it's a group of friends, like, that's easy.
MARTIN: Yep.
NICHOLSON: But if I'm in - like, at a work event or a school event for my kids, and there's too many people, and I don't know them well enough, and people are talking to me, like, I'm not - it's not my strong suit. And...
MARTIN: So do you leave? Do you not go to those things?
NICHOLSON: I mean, I have to for my job, actually. But I...
MARTIN: Yeah.
NICHOLSON: ...Usually try to latch on to someone who I know, who's like my, like, little security - social security blanket.
MARTIN: Yep.
NICHOLSON: And I just give myself a break. Like, I don't have to be good at it.
MARTIN: Yeah. And what do you drink?
NICHOLSON: Sparkling water (imitating fart).
MARTIN: Yeah.
NICHOLSON: (Imitating snoring).
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NICHOLSON: It's just like...
MARTIN: Not even drinking, like, a ginger beer or, like, I don't know.
NICHOLSON: Sometimes - I like ginger beer with a meal. I like nonalcoholic beer.
MARTIN: Yeah.
NICHOLSON: There are good ones now.
MARTIN: They've got quite good. Yeah. Yeah.
NICHOLSON: So I only - and I only ever want, like, one of them.
MARTIN: Yeah. I still struggle when people - when there's so much excitement about, oh, let's meet for a glass of wine.
NICHOLSON: Oh, I know.
MARTIN: And their enthusiasm for the event centered around the alcohol is so acute.
NICHOLSON: Yeah.
MARTIN: And I feel like the buzzkill, being like, I'll have your nonalcoholic beer.
NICHOLSON: Probably the longer you have with that, I imagine you'll feel less worried about that...
MARTIN: Self-conscious, yeah.
NICHOLSON: ...And - yeah, and the other person can still do that. And then, often, when they're in, like, you know, two drinks, three drinks in, I'm like, thank God I...
MARTIN: Yeah.
NICHOLSON: ...Am clear, and I'm going to feel good tomorrow when I wake up.
MARTIN: Yeah.
NICHOLSON: (Laughter) So it's like, it's worth it. But that was definitely - I didn't want to have to give that up.
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CHANG: You can see Julianne Nicholson in "Paradise" on Hulu. And you can watch that full conversation on YouTube or Spotify. Just search for Wild Card with Rachel Martin. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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